an art to being 'ON'

For someone with my characteristics and personality, being ‘on’ isn’t one of those things that comes naturally to me. for extroverts like becky and esther that like to constantly talk and babble and chatter, it’s a given. they like the attention, telling the stories, getting the laughs, cracking the jokes. but for me, an introvert and fairly private person, I just can’t bring myself to carry on and on in that fashion. I was put to the test in the last two weekends. there were birthday parties, visitors in town, people to host, lots to entertain. the pressure was on…. After the first weekend of being ‘on’, I was so tired and exhausted from talking, conversing, entertaining... I had to hide out in my apt on Sunday night and avoid all living things and stop communication channels in order to give myself some rest.

It got me thinking… damn, am I normally a really boring person to be around then? If I’m not prone to being ‘on’ all the time, then what the hell am I doing most of the time when I’m out with friends? What does ‘being myself’ really mean to my friends and people that I meet? “Oh.. that’s joannie.. the shy, boring, introverted girl that doesn’t say much and just stands there listening with the occasional courtesy laugh.” Seriously, does that mean I’m a follower and not a do-er? Will I forever be a drone and never the visionary?