ahhh, sisterly love...
i've noticed that over the last few months, becky and i have been trying (note the word *trying*) to work out our differences rather than just yell at each other for an hour. don't get me wrong, we still yell and scream, we don't kick - we're afraid how far it will go if we start kickin and throwing punches... it would be the end of sisterhood between us, i'm sure of it! - but its been alot less angry and agressive than in the past. well, i should take that back...
she's been living with me in ny for the last 4 months... one more month to go and she's back in la. the first 2 months were fine, lots to do in ny, many places for her to explore, she was keeping herself busy. however for the last 2 months, she's been getting restless. sure, she's taking up to 5 classes (piano, guitar, spanish, chinese, acting), but its not enough to keep her ADD brain interested long enough. her boredom can also be attributed to the cold, snowy weather. who wants to head out in the blistering, bitter cold anyway? add to that her anxiousness at getting back on track with her acting aspirations after a whole 2 years off and you have an attitude that exponentially translates into the feeling that her life is at a standstill, totally stagnant, and that she's losing time and opportunities in the acting game/race.
so anyway, it seems that our close quarters living situation (there are 3 people in an apt that is technically a 1 bedroom - converted to 2) is aggravating our relationship. we spend a good deal of time together. we get along well in terms of interests, friends, etc. a lot of things in common, and we usually can talk to each other and be on the same page. you can call us close. we share practically everything... clothes, shoes, makeup, food, money, friends, etc. so you would think that its a perfect relationship and that there would be little we would argue about...
...not the case!
anyone who knows us knows that we are both super stubborn in our own ways, and as a result, we are constantly bickering. some friends are so used to it, they just ignore us and zone us out when we go at it. the great part about our relationship is that although we argue A WHOLE LOT, we also get over it fairly quickly. before the end of the day, the tiff is squashed, forgotten about, or just let go of.
so lately, we've been bickering more and more, little annoying things will get the better of us, we'll snap at each other, have less patience and are generally moodier nowadays. the relationship is, to say the least, tense and stretched. at times, it feels as if we've come to the ends of our tolerance thresholds, and if annoyingly tapped just the slightest bit, we'll go off the deep end... at least for me that's how it feels.
now we come to the point of this blog (typing it while at work). that was an immense amount of preface, yes? not even sure any of it made sense....
last night at dinner, we ended up having one of our best *talks* in a long while. it started with me making a comment and she called me on it. at first i believe i was in denial, since i made the comment without any malicious intent to be mean. but after we kept going back and forth about it, i realized that my comment made her feel as if i didn't believe what she was saying. we delved deeper into how we both perceived each other, the misperceptions, misconceptions, misunderstandings, how comments we make can negatively affect our relationship, and how part of problem is also the insecurity within ourselves that is amplified and seemingly validated by certain comments. this all leads to the defensive tone that we take on as we try to lash back at each other as we verbally 'put up our dukes'.
we talked for a couple of hours, we talked til we were the last table in the sushi restaurant. the workers were already sitting down to their own dinners.
it was such a good talk that i actually felt the need to send becky an email from work this morning.....
***thanks....for the talk last night. it was a good one and i think we discussed a lot of issues that needed to be aired. even though its tough to hear, swallow and digest thecriticisms, its good to learn how to talk to each other about them(moreso me than you, you don't really have a problem telling me whatbothers you about me. i need to learn how to stop bottling upeverything inside me). so i'll try to work on not being so hard andmean and being more supportive and understanding. and also my delivery, think about what i'm saying before saying it, etc.
maybe we should always talk in a restaurant so that it doesn'tescalate into a yelling match.
i almost wanted to give you a hug last night afterwards... *almost*! maybe a high five would have sufficed. ***
i dunno, i guess i shared that email b/c i wanted to be able to look back on this and see how our relationship has/is progressing. its hard without mom around to keep us in check. we have a responsibility to back each other up and protect what we have, the bond that makes us family, the ties that connect us to our mother. after mom passed last year, her constant reminder over the years of "in the end, you two only have each other" became true and concrete and so fucking sad.
so part of the reason that we don't throttle each other's throats is because of the realization that life is a short roller-coaster ride and that it would suck to not have each other to lean on when we close our eyes shut as we descend down the first major dip with our arms flailing in the air.
just knowing that we got each other's back in spirit is enough to keep us moving forward....
she's been living with me in ny for the last 4 months... one more month to go and she's back in la. the first 2 months were fine, lots to do in ny, many places for her to explore, she was keeping herself busy. however for the last 2 months, she's been getting restless. sure, she's taking up to 5 classes (piano, guitar, spanish, chinese, acting), but its not enough to keep her ADD brain interested long enough. her boredom can also be attributed to the cold, snowy weather. who wants to head out in the blistering, bitter cold anyway? add to that her anxiousness at getting back on track with her acting aspirations after a whole 2 years off and you have an attitude that exponentially translates into the feeling that her life is at a standstill, totally stagnant, and that she's losing time and opportunities in the acting game/race.
so anyway, it seems that our close quarters living situation (there are 3 people in an apt that is technically a 1 bedroom - converted to 2) is aggravating our relationship. we spend a good deal of time together. we get along well in terms of interests, friends, etc. a lot of things in common, and we usually can talk to each other and be on the same page. you can call us close. we share practically everything... clothes, shoes, makeup, food, money, friends, etc. so you would think that its a perfect relationship and that there would be little we would argue about...
...not the case!
anyone who knows us knows that we are both super stubborn in our own ways, and as a result, we are constantly bickering. some friends are so used to it, they just ignore us and zone us out when we go at it. the great part about our relationship is that although we argue A WHOLE LOT, we also get over it fairly quickly. before the end of the day, the tiff is squashed, forgotten about, or just let go of.
so lately, we've been bickering more and more, little annoying things will get the better of us, we'll snap at each other, have less patience and are generally moodier nowadays. the relationship is, to say the least, tense and stretched. at times, it feels as if we've come to the ends of our tolerance thresholds, and if annoyingly tapped just the slightest bit, we'll go off the deep end... at least for me that's how it feels.
now we come to the point of this blog (typing it while at work). that was an immense amount of preface, yes? not even sure any of it made sense....
last night at dinner, we ended up having one of our best *talks* in a long while. it started with me making a comment and she called me on it. at first i believe i was in denial, since i made the comment without any malicious intent to be mean. but after we kept going back and forth about it, i realized that my comment made her feel as if i didn't believe what she was saying. we delved deeper into how we both perceived each other, the misperceptions, misconceptions, misunderstandings, how comments we make can negatively affect our relationship, and how part of problem is also the insecurity within ourselves that is amplified and seemingly validated by certain comments. this all leads to the defensive tone that we take on as we try to lash back at each other as we verbally 'put up our dukes'.
we talked for a couple of hours, we talked til we were the last table in the sushi restaurant. the workers were already sitting down to their own dinners.
it was such a good talk that i actually felt the need to send becky an email from work this morning.....
***thanks....for the talk last night. it was a good one and i think we discussed a lot of issues that needed to be aired. even though its tough to hear, swallow and digest thecriticisms, its good to learn how to talk to each other about them(moreso me than you, you don't really have a problem telling me whatbothers you about me. i need to learn how to stop bottling upeverything inside me). so i'll try to work on not being so hard andmean and being more supportive and understanding. and also my delivery, think about what i'm saying before saying it, etc.
maybe we should always talk in a restaurant so that it doesn'tescalate into a yelling match.
i almost wanted to give you a hug last night afterwards... *almost*! maybe a high five would have sufficed. ***
i dunno, i guess i shared that email b/c i wanted to be able to look back on this and see how our relationship has/is progressing. its hard without mom around to keep us in check. we have a responsibility to back each other up and protect what we have, the bond that makes us family, the ties that connect us to our mother. after mom passed last year, her constant reminder over the years of "in the end, you two only have each other" became true and concrete and so fucking sad.
so part of the reason that we don't throttle each other's throats is because of the realization that life is a short roller-coaster ride and that it would suck to not have each other to lean on when we close our eyes shut as we descend down the first major dip with our arms flailing in the air.
just knowing that we got each other's back in spirit is enough to keep us moving forward....
posted by joaners @ 3:06 PM
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